Porn – is that what sex is really like?

Let’s be honest – there’s lots of porn online. You may have seen some, even if you weren’t looking for it. Or you may watch porn and enjoy it and that’s okay! It’s normal to be curious, and some people find porn a turn-on.

But porn can never really teach you how to have good sex because real sex and real bodies aren’t actually like they are in porn. Watching porn can give you unrealistic expectations of sex, and unhealthy attitudes to sex and relationships.

Is porn real?

No. Porn is a movie. Camera angles, clever editing and special effects are all used to make sex look a certain way. And the actual sex isn’t realistic either. 100kph ejaculations?! Sex marathons? These are fantasies, not reality.

Porn often shows bodies that are white, slim, athletic, able-bodied, with big penises or breasts. But – spoiler alert! – most people in porn are actors. And lots of them have had plastic surgery. Or they’ve been photoshopped to look a certain way.

You might think your body (or your partner’s) should look like the bodies in porn to be sexy. But it’s not true.

Can I learn about sex from watching porn?

Trying to learn about sex from porn is like trying to learn how to drive by watching a high-speed car chase in an action movie. You’re watching entertainment, not training videos!

In porn you don’t see relationships or emotional connection, which often play a role in good sex. And it never shows the process of consent. In the real world, you have to know that the person you’re having sex with is into it.

What are the effects of porn?

Watching porn might make you think you have to perform in certain ways when you have sex, and look a certain way too.

A lot of heterosexual porn is created for men, not men and women. This means it focuses on male sexual pleasure. And this can give you an unrealistic view of how men and women should act when they have sex.

Some porn shows sexual violence, often towards women. This includes things like hitting or choking. This can be upsetting to watch, and it can make sexual violence seem normal. But it’s not.

Is porn harmful?

It depends. Here are few things to be aware of:

it can give you unrealistic expectations of what you or your partner might look like, want or enjoy
it can lead to self-doubt and lack of confidence in your sexual ability
it doesn’t show people using condoms, but this is really important to prevent HIV, other STIs and unintended pregnancies.

Some research suggests that watching lots of porn can lead to more sexist attitudes and violent sexual behaviour. But this is influenced by things like whether you have good sex education and strong role-models who can show you how to treat partners with respect.

It may also depend on the kind of porn you watch. The idea of ‘ethical porn’ is getting more popular. This is porn that shows sex and bodies more realistically, with an equal focus on female pleasure.